Thursday, May 27, 2010

End of School Party

Today was the end of school party for Big Girl's class. Next year she will be off to Kindergarten at a new school. I have been having moments of weepy spells all week. It certainly is not helped by the fact that I am dead-ass tired.

For the kids birthday party last year I had rented them a bounce house and the party was supposed to be in the park. All of this planning I did from bed as I was in the hospital on bedrest with the twins at the time. I forgot to consult Mother Nature about her forecast and the kids party was rained out. Fortunately we were able to switch the party at the time to Chuck-E-Cheese (a bit dodgy during H1N1 season....but all worked out). Anyway, I was left with a rain check for a free bounce house rental so we decided rather than have the class party in the classroom where they kids are all crazy and the Moms are all squashed, that this year we would go all out and have a big bash in the park.

It went really well in spite of the sweltering heat. I snuck in a cooler with wine for the grown ups, the kids had cake, pizza, and drinks. They all received "diplomas" from their teachers. Then they let their "balloon wishes" go and that is when the waterworks started.

The "balloon wishes" was this idea I came up with a few weeks ago where each child would write on a pre-printed card "my favorite thing about Pre-K was ...... and my wish for kindergarten is ....." Each "wish" was then tied to a helium balloon and sent up in the air. Wouldn't you know that all the strings from the balloons got snarled up together?? We decided at the last minute to let the kids all put their hands in a bunch and let the balloons go together.

All the mommies were feeling a touch tipsy and very sentimental so we started getting teary. Poor Big Girl got all confused and started crying herself saying she wanted her wish back. I had hoped that she was going to have made some kind of wish that would be so meaningful that I would want to race home and copy it into her baby book.....but no, Big Girl is quite jealous and is the last one to loose teeth in the class so of course she wished for "losing 3 teeth every single day of Kindergarten" ?!? WTF??

This is a picture of Big Girl and her first boyfriend, Cole. His Mom and I were laughing that we would show this at their rehearsal dinner.

All in all, it was a perfect party. Lots of good memories for the kids and lots of chiggers on my chest where my bra under wire was. What a treat!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

A Crap Trip to Whole Foods

My first mistake was taking my 2 older kids to Whole Foods. Every time I take them they misbehave. If I put them in the grocery cart with the car attached after about 5 minutes they are having a fist fight.

W had promised me he would "keep his hands behind his back" and my dumbass fell for it. I am not sure if it was his 3 year-old brain or his ADD (which I am beginning to suspect he has, more on that later) that made him practically forget about his empty promise for the hands behind the back - but whatever - he took off running after about 3 minutes. MC found him on the aisle with the fruit chews (imagine that). I dragged him back out of the store, got a cart, and put him in the baby seat WITH the belt. This reads major embarrassment for his 3 year-old self.

So, I'm off to do my shopping that now feels like a total chore. I am pissed that they are acting like this and pissed because usually Whole Foods is quite relaxing to me. I love to read all the labels and try to imagine that I am healthy and that I feed my family well.

Anyway, as I was reaching up to get something out of the top part of the refrigerator MC comes running down the aisle and "WHACK" hits my stomach and yells out "Mom, it looks like you have another baby in there". My self esteem was so low at that point that I don't even think I could have walked over it. It was flat on the ground.

I wanted to yell at her, "You ungrateful little tart. I have grown 4, count them, FOUR human beings in my stomach, one of them being your bratty ass" but I held my tongue.

When I got home my husband said "I tried to call you to see if you could stop at 7/11 for me". Usually I would groan about going there for him but I was like "not a problem, they are all yours, I'm out of here". When I got to the car I started to sob. Snot nose crying. Did I have a kleenex in the car? No, of course not. So I had to blow my nose on a dry-max Pampers diaper. Hope I don't get a nose rash from all the chemicals in the diaper everyone is up in arms about.

About that time I realized somedays......IT REALLY SUCKS TO BE A MOM.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Big Girl - "Mommy, why were you not anything when you grew up"?

"Oh here honey, let me tell you while I finish making your breakfast and getting the 4 of you dressed and ready for the day."

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

On Most Days I Actually Like My Husband

..............but today is not one of those days. Last night I was up with Stuart in the middle of the night; he had peed through his clothes and his temperature had rised to 102 again. This was day 12 of fever, so as you can imagine, I was more than a little tired of it. I had him on the couch in the family room cleaning him up and getting ready to feed him.

SLAM goes the hallway door.

Are you kidding me? Are you actually going to come out here and slam the door so you can go back to sleep instead of offering to help? Yes, I guess you are.

Mom is pissed today.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Beiber Fever

It's Monday night and John is out at the Ranger game with some clients. The deal around here is when John has a late dinner Mary Catherine gets to sleep in the bed with me. She has recently started to listen to teeny bopper pop so I recorded Ellen today since he was going to be on. She is waiting impatiently for him to sing "Baby, Baby, Baby, OH!"

So the twins are still sick. Tonight Stuart's temperature was 100, he has had temperature off and on since last Thursday, and I'm pretty stinkin sick of it. They are now 5 months so I am beginning to think it might be teeth.

I'm off, we have Doreeen tonight and I need to hit the sack while I can.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Life in the Petri Dish

The twins and Walter are all sick. Eleanor and Walter have a cold and a cough and I am not sure if Stuart has that too, or a combo of a cold and stomach bug. He threw up a pile on the kitchen floor that looked like I had spilled a gallon of milk. Of course I had to take a picture of it so I can send it to my husband at work. I added the prescription bottle at the bottom for scale.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Mom, your car smells like a Penguin

Say What? A Penguin? That must mean it stinks pretty bad. Fortunately for me it was my sister's child that told her that about her car. My car smells like feet and stinky diaper. Which is worse?

The best is when my daughter gets into the car and says "Mom, your car is a mess". HHHMmmmmm.....maybe it is your stray french fries, socks, Nerds, hairbrushes or discarded art projects.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all my favorite Mommies out there. I woke up this morning and my husband fixed a giant breakfast of bacon, ham and eggs, and yummy toast. Even though the kids were whining and the twins were screaming, it was nice.

Yesterday my husband and daughter went to Nordstrom's to return some pants (or so he said). I whispered to Mary Catherine on the way out "please do not buy Mommy any clothes". I mean, have you seen me recently? I look like a house. Anyway, this morning they gave me pants (too small) and 2 sweaters (also too small). I was touched that they got the gifts, but thinking how nice it would be to fit into them. Someday! I just cannot bring myself to do Weight Watchers again. That would mean I would not be able to get up every night at 2:15 and eat 3 Oreos.

After breakfast I took a quick nap (only allowed on Mother's Day) and then went with my mom and sister and daughter to have manicure and pedicure. I almost always take Mary Catherine with me, esp since John lopped off the tip of her finger when she was 18 months old, and we are both too scared to cut her nails. We usually go to the same place where everyone fawns over her and tells her how cute she is (because she is) but today we went somewhere new and she did not appreciate the lack of attention from the staff. She was whiny and it was kind of a downer. Mom, Brooke and I decided next time we go it will be grown ups only, and at 6:00 p.m. and we are bringing wine.

The twins are both sick with 99.6 and 99.9. I'm feeling a little guilty because I called in for an appointment with the pediatrician this morning at 10:30 but Stuart was asleep so I skipped. I figured they would just tell us what we already know: tylenol (preferably the one not on recall) and saline/suction. We are doing all that but the babies are still miserable.....which makes Mommy miserable.

John has been working hard on a pot of red beans and rice. I was feeling a little sentimental when he got the pot out as I was thinking of all the weekends I missed last fall when I was stuck in the hospital. Seems like almost every weekend in the fall he makes chili, sometimes plain old chili, sometimes fancy chili, and we eat and watch football. Oh well, there is always this year, right?

Not too much else to report. John took Mary Catherine, Walter and Eleanor over to Nanas to drop off a card and plant for Mother's Day. I gave Stuart a bottle and he finally went down, I am sure for only a few minutes, but I have peace and quiet for now.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Poop Chronicles!

What a day! Walter finally pooped on the potty. I had promised him basically the entire world in bribes to do it, and finally, success! Everyone cheered and we headed off to Toys 'R Us to buy his "digger" that he has been talking about. I caved in of course, and bought him both the digger and the recycle truck.

Friday, May 7, 2010

SHIT (So Happy It's Friday)

So I told you I was going to jinx myself for bragging about Stuart sleeping all night. And I did put a hex on fact, I am writing this post from National Tire & Battery and that is never a good sign.

Let me start from the beginning. I was feeling so good from my full night of sleep that I felt I needed to go to Anthropologie and drop some money. I found some great tops, very important since I am now trying to hide my "twin skin". (If you don't know what that is, google it, and then you will see what I am dealing with).

Anyway, bought some clothes and headed home to give the babies a bottle before carpool #2 at 12:00. Maritza, otherwise known as my better half, was there so I decided to leave the twins with her so they did not have to spend another two hours in the carseat. Thank God for that one fleeting moment of good sense.

I rolled into the carpool line dead last, which really pisses off my daughter, as if ti means that I love her less than the mom who is first in line. Anyhow, on Fridays she has "Preschool at the Zoo" from 12:30 to 3:30 so I have exactly 30 minutes to feed her and get her there.

About the same time I am realizing that I forgot her tennis shoes for zoo school (had to bring those because she insisted on wearing her hot pink rainboots to school on a sunny Texas day) I notice that the "trusty" suburban is running on fumes. I race BACK home, tear down the front door, scare poor Maritza to death, and run back out with socks and shoes in hand. Off to 7/11 for gas.

I am not sure if it is the recent oil spill that has everyone in a funk about gas but for whatever reason there was a massive line at the pump. Anyway, a few days ago I made Mary Cat a CD off of iTunes with all this teeny pop music. She asked that while I pump the gas would I leave it playing for her. So after waiting in line for 3 cars to pump gas I got out, tossed my $80 into the tank and got back in to head to the zoo. CLICK, CLICK, CLICK was all I heard. My f-ing battery was dead.

As it was noon and the 7/11 was filled with people who speak Spanish I had to use my finest gringo espanol to ask for help. It came out kind of like this....."por favor, mi carro se murio. possible su ayudame a salta". Most of this I learned from Dora. Oh well, the third person I asked was able to help me and the car started. I gave him $8, even though he did not want it, and told him it was Friday, for God's sake, go get some beer.

Holy Sandman!

Holy Sandman! Both twins slept through the night. That, or else, I ignored them. I don't see any traces of dirty bottles by the kitchen sink so it looks like they made it. We have turned a corner.

Now, I realize that I have just jinxed myself and that we will be up all night, every night for the next month. But I have had a taste of sleep and it was divine.

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Ultimate Insult

This morning I had the breakfast of champions. An old licorice whip I found in the car console. At least it was still wrapped in plastic. My son got this treat from Mothers Day Out a few weeks ago for not having any "accidents" in his big boy underwear.

Tonight I needed to bathe the twins and I've found it is easier to just get in the bath and have my husband hand me one baby at a time. Of course the older kids like to get in too and make a huge mess. Anyhow, tonight before John brought the twins in it was just me and Mary Catherine. She looked at me and said (and I am not kidding) "Mom, why do ladies boobs hang down over their stomachs"? Ouch.

How about because I have nursed four children and used a Medela pump strong enough to power a ski boat for the last four months? I realize that since I have given up nursing that I have milk pancakes, but I just didn't need it to be pointed out by a five year-old.

All the reason to keep socking away my coins for the tummy/boob reno that should take place when the twins are two.