Sunday, May 23, 2010

A Crap Trip to Whole Foods

My first mistake was taking my 2 older kids to Whole Foods. Every time I take them they misbehave. If I put them in the grocery cart with the car attached after about 5 minutes they are having a fist fight.

W had promised me he would "keep his hands behind his back" and my dumbass fell for it. I am not sure if it was his 3 year-old brain or his ADD (which I am beginning to suspect he has, more on that later) that made him practically forget about his empty promise for the hands behind the back - but whatever - he took off running after about 3 minutes. MC found him on the aisle with the fruit chews (imagine that). I dragged him back out of the store, got a cart, and put him in the baby seat WITH the belt. This reads major embarrassment for his 3 year-old self.

So, I'm off to do my shopping that now feels like a total chore. I am pissed that they are acting like this and pissed because usually Whole Foods is quite relaxing to me. I love to read all the labels and try to imagine that I am healthy and that I feed my family well.

Anyway, as I was reaching up to get something out of the top part of the refrigerator MC comes running down the aisle and "WHACK" hits my stomach and yells out "Mom, it looks like you have another baby in there". My self esteem was so low at that point that I don't even think I could have walked over it. It was flat on the ground.

I wanted to yell at her, "You ungrateful little tart. I have grown 4, count them, FOUR human beings in my stomach, one of them being your bratty ass" but I held my tongue.

When I got home my husband said "I tried to call you to see if you could stop at 7/11 for me". Usually I would groan about going there for him but I was like "not a problem, they are all yours, I'm out of here". When I got to the car I started to sob. Snot nose crying. Did I have a kleenex in the car? No, of course not. So I had to blow my nose on a dry-max Pampers diaper. Hope I don't get a nose rash from all the chemicals in the diaper everyone is up in arms about.

About that time I realized somedays......IT REALLY SUCKS TO BE A MOM.

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