Life in the Petri Dish

The twins and Walter are all sick. Eleanor and Walter have a cold and a cough and I am not sure if Stuart has that too, or a combo of a cold and stomach bug. He threw up a pile on the kitchen floor that looked like I had spilled a gallon of milk. Of course I had to take a picture of it so I can send it to my husband at work. I added the prescription bottle at the bottom for scale.

Mom, your car smells like a Penguin

Say What? A Penguin? That must mean it stinks pretty bad. Fortunately for me it was my sister's child that told her that about her car. My car smells like feet and stinky diaper. Which is worse?

The best is when my daughter gets into the car and says "Mom, your car is a mess". HHHMmmmmm.....maybe it is your stray french fries, socks, Nerds, hairbrushes or discarded art projects.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all my favorite Mommies out there. I woke up this morning and my husband fixed a giant breakfast of bacon, ham and eggs, and yummy toast. Even though the kids were whining and the twins were screaming, it was nice.

Yesterday my husband and daughter went to Nordstrom's to return some pants (or so he said). I whispered to Mary Catherine on the way out "please do not buy Mommy any clothes". I mean, have you seen me recently? I look like a house. Anyway, this morning they gave me pants (too small) and 2 sweaters (also too small). I was touched that they got the gifts, but thinking how nice it would be to fit into them. Someday! I just cannot bring myself to do Weight Watchers again. That would mean I would not be able to get up every night at 2:15 and eat 3 Oreos.

After breakfast I took a quick nap (only allowed on Mother's Day) and then went with my mom and sister and daughter to have manicure and pedicure. I almost always take Mary Catherine with me, esp since John lopped off the tip of her finger when she was 18 months old, and we are both too scared to cut her nails. We usually go to the same place where everyone fawns over her and tells her how cute she is (because she is) but today we went somewhere new and she did not appreciate the lack of attention from the staff. She was whiny and it was kind of a downer. Mom, Brooke and I decided next time we go it will be grown ups only, and at 6:00 p.m. and we are bringing wine.

The twins are both sick with 99.6 and 99.9. I'm feeling a little guilty because I called in for an appointment with the pediatrician this morning at 10:30 but Stuart was asleep so I skipped. I figured they would just tell us what we already know: tylenol (preferably the one not on recall) and saline/suction. We are doing all that but the babies are still miserable.....which makes Mommy miserable.

John has been working hard on a pot of red beans and rice. I was feeling a little sentimental when he got the pot out as I was thinking of all the weekends I missed last fall when I was stuck in the hospital. Seems like almost every weekend in the fall he makes chili, sometimes plain old chili, sometimes fancy chili, and we eat and watch football. Oh well, there is always this year, right?

Not too much else to report. John took Mary Catherine, Walter and Eleanor over to Nanas to drop off a card and plant for Mother's Day. I gave Stuart a bottle and he finally went down, I am sure for only a few minutes, but I have peace and quiet for now.

The Poop Chronicles!

What a day! Walter finally pooped on the potty. I had promised him basically the entire world in bribes to do it, and finally, success! Everyone cheered and we headed off to Toys 'R Us to buy his "digger" that he has been talking about. I caved in of course, and bought him both the digger and the recycle truck.

SHIT (So Happy It's Friday)

So I told you I was going to jinx myself for bragging about Stuart sleeping all night. And I did put a hex on myself....in fact, I am writing this post from National Tire & Battery and that is never a good sign.

Let me start from the beginning. I was feeling so good from my full night of sleep that I felt I needed to go to Anthropologie and drop some money. I found some great tops, very important since I am now trying to hide my "twin skin". (If you don't know what that is, google it, and then you will see what I am dealing with).

Anyway, bought some clothes and headed home to give the babies a bottle before carpool #2 at 12:00. Maritza, otherwise known as my better half, was there so I decided to leave the twins with her so they did not have to spend another two hours in the carseat. Thank God for that one fleeting moment of good sense.

I rolled into the carpool line dead last, which really pisses off my daughter, as if ti means that I love her less than the mom who is first in line. Anyhow, on Fridays she has "Preschool at the Zoo" from 12:30 to 3:30 so I have exactly 30 minutes to feed her and get her there.

About the same time I am realizing that I forgot her tennis shoes for zoo school (had to bring those because she insisted on wearing her hot pink rainboots to school on a sunny Texas day) I notice that the "trusty" suburban is running on fumes. I race BACK home, tear down the front door, scare poor Maritza to death, and run back out with socks and shoes in hand. Off to 7/11 for gas.

I am not sure if it is the recent oil spill that has everyone in a funk about gas but for whatever reason there was a massive line at the pump. Anyway, a few days ago I made Mary Cat a CD off of iTunes with all this teeny pop music. She asked that while I pump the gas would I leave it playing for her. So after waiting in line for 3 cars to pump gas I got out, tossed my $80 into the tank and got back in to head to the zoo. CLICK, CLICK, CLICK was all I heard. My f-ing battery was dead.

As it was noon and the 7/11 was filled with people who speak Spanish I had to use my finest gringo espanol to ask for help. It came out kind of like this....."por favor, mi carro se murio. possible su ayudame a salta". Most of this I learned from Dora. Oh well, the third person I asked was able to help me and the car started. I gave him $8, even though he did not want it, and told him it was Friday, for God's sake, go get some beer.

Holy Sandman!

Holy Sandman! Both twins slept through the night. That, or else, I ignored them. I don't see any traces of dirty bottles by the kitchen sink so it looks like they made it. We have turned a corner.

Now, I realize that I have just jinxed myself and that we will be up all night, every night for the next month. But I have had a taste of sleep and it was divine.

The Ultimate Insult

This morning I had the breakfast of champions. An old licorice whip I found in the car console. At least it was still wrapped in plastic. My son got this treat from Mothers Day Out a few weeks ago for not having any "accidents" in his big boy underwear.

Tonight I needed to bathe the twins and I've found it is easier to just get in the bath and have my husband hand me one baby at a time. Of course the older kids like to get in too and make a huge mess. Anyhow, tonight before John brought the twins in it was just me and Mary Catherine. She looked at me and said (and I am not kidding) "Mom, why do ladies boobs hang down over their stomachs"? Ouch.

How about because I have nursed four children and used a Medela pump strong enough to power a ski boat for the last four months? I realize that since I have given up nursing that I have milk pancakes, but I just didn't need it to be pointed out by a five year-old.

All the reason to keep socking away my coins for the tummy/boob reno that should take place when the twins are two.