Houston, We're in real trouble now

Frida Khalo

So my 5 year oold daughter tells me this tonight after a week at art camp.....

"Mom, what is that thing that connects your mouth to your tummy?"

Me "You mean your esophagus? The one that is like a giant straw?"

MC "yes, that is the one. Did you know Frida has her whole esophagus covered ina cast? And I have NO idea how she went to the bathroom."

Me - rolling on bed laughing...."Honey, I have no idea, I'm sure it was hard to do"

End of School Party

Today was the end of school party for Big Girl's class. Next year she will be off to Kindergarten at a new school. I have been having moments of weepy spells all week. It certainly is not helped by the fact that I am dead-ass tired.

For the kids birthday party last year I had rented them a bounce house and the party was supposed to be in the park. All of this planning I did from bed as I was in the hospital on bedrest with the twins at the time. I forgot to consult Mother Nature about her forecast and the kids party was rained out. Fortunately we were able to switch the party at the time to Chuck-E-Cheese (a bit dodgy during H1N1 season....but all worked out). Anyway, I was left with a rain check for a free bounce house rental so we decided rather than have the class party in the classroom where they kids are all crazy and the Moms are all squashed, that this year we would go all out and have a big bash in the park.


It went really well in spite of the sweltering heat. I snuck in a cooler with wine for the grown ups, the kids had cake, pizza, and drinks. They all received "diplomas" from their teachers. Then they let their "balloon wishes" go and that is when the waterworks started.


The "balloon wishes" was this idea I came up with a few weeks ago where each child would write on a pre-printed card "my favorite thing about Pre-K was ...... and my wish for kindergarten is ....." Each "wish" was then tied to a helium balloon and sent up in the air. Wouldn't you know that all the strings from the balloons got snarled up together?? We decided at the last minute to let the kids all put their hands in a bunch and let the balloons go together.





All the mommies were feeling a touch tipsy and very sentimental so we started getting teary. Poor Big Girl got all confused and started crying herself saying she wanted her wish back. I had hoped that she was going to have made some kind of wish that would be so meaningful that I would want to race home and copy it into her baby book.....but no, Big Girl is quite jealous and is the last one to loose teeth in the class so of course she wished for "losing 3 teeth every single day of Kindergarten" ?!? WTF??

This is a picture of Big Girl and her first boyfriend, Cole. His Mom and I were laughing that we would show this at their rehearsal dinner.

All in all, it was a perfect party. Lots of good memories for the kids and lots of chiggers on my chest where my bra under wire was. What a treat!

A Crap Trip to Whole Foods

My first mistake was taking my 2 older kids to Whole Foods. Every time I take them they misbehave. If I put them in the grocery cart with the car attached after about 5 minutes they are having a fist fight.

W had promised me he would "keep his hands behind his back" and my dumbass fell for it. I am not sure if it was his 3 year-old brain or his ADD (which I am beginning to suspect he has, more on that later) that made him practically forget about his empty promise for the hands behind the back - but whatever - he took off running after about 3 minutes. MC found him on the aisle with the fruit chews (imagine that). I dragged him back out of the store, got a cart, and put him in the baby seat WITH the belt. This reads major embarrassment for his 3 year-old self.

So, I'm off to do my shopping that now feels like a total chore. I am pissed that they are acting like this and pissed because usually Whole Foods is quite relaxing to me. I love to read all the labels and try to imagine that I am healthy and that I feed my family well.

Anyway, as I was reaching up to get something out of the top part of the refrigerator MC comes running down the aisle and "WHACK" hits my stomach and yells out "Mom, it looks like you have another baby in there". My self esteem was so low at that point that I don't even think I could have walked over it. It was flat on the ground.

I wanted to yell at her, "You ungrateful little tart. I have grown 4, count them, FOUR human beings in my stomach, one of them being your bratty ass" but I held my tongue.

When I got home my husband said "I tried to call you to see if you could stop at 7/11 for me". Usually I would groan about going there for him but I was like "not a problem, they are all yours, I'm out of here". When I got to the car I started to sob. Snot nose crying. Did I have a kleenex in the car? No, of course not. So I had to blow my nose on a dry-max Pampers diaper. Hope I don't get a nose rash from all the chemicals in the diaper everyone is up in arms about.

About that time I realized somedays......IT REALLY SUCKS TO BE A MOM.

Big Girl - "Mommy, why were you not anything when you grew up"?

"Oh here honey, let me tell you while I finish making your breakfast and getting the 4 of you dressed and ready for the day."

On Most Days I Actually Like My Husband

..............but today is not one of those days. Last night I was up with Stuart in the middle of the night; he had peed through his clothes and his temperature had rised to 102 again. This was day 12 of fever, so as you can imagine, I was more than a little tired of it. I had him on the couch in the family room cleaning him up and getting ready to feed him.

SLAM goes the hallway door.

Are you kidding me? Are you actually going to come out here and slam the door so you can go back to sleep instead of offering to help? Yes, I guess you are.

Mom is pissed today.

Beiber Fever

It's Monday night and John is out at the Ranger game with some clients. The deal around here is when John has a late dinner Mary Catherine gets to sleep in the bed with me. She has recently started to listen to teeny bopper pop so I recorded Ellen today since he was going to be on. She is waiting impatiently for him to sing "Baby, Baby, Baby, OH!"

So the twins are still sick. Tonight Stuart's temperature was 100, he has had temperature off and on since last Thursday, and I'm pretty stinkin sick of it. They are now 5 months so I am beginning to think it might be teeth.

I'm off, we have Doreeen tonight and I need to hit the sack while I can.